i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
