I haven't been this sober since birth.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
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She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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