And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
