anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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