Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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