That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
