I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
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Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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