Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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