Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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