i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
