Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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