I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
We smell like vodka and hangover
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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