sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
