chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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