After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
