The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
