Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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