i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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