I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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