just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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