Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
