Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
