Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So vagazzling was a success
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
