Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
