The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
