YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
