I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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