every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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