we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
