My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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