It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
