It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
