why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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