John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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