dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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