Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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