They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
