Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize