john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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