Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
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