i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
