Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
