if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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