On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
