I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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