Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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