So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
