i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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