Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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