I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
im holly from the hills drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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