1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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