he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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