if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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