sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
