You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
