Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
