just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I'm really busy with my period
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