he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Dick very happy bro
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
