I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You were trust falling into bushes
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
