All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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