the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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