Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
