I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Are we still banned from the library?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
