It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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