well I can't set my house on fire every night
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
