I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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