Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
