people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
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My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
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i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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