If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
