is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
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dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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