What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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