i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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