I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
