Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
