Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
