would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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