me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
