no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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