we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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