dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
