how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
