Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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