when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
then he tried to convert me to islam
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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