i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
