My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
