Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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