So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
